Slightly Uplifted

I'm feeling a little better than I have been the last few weeks. I've been doing as much Bible reading and praying as my exhausted and busy life can spare me. I've been getting wise counsel and listening to or reading Christian programing that has been encouraging to me. It's awful when something is wrong and I know it needs to be addressed, but I just don't really know how to go about doing it. I know I will look back at the time in my life years from now and see what I learned through it all, but the process is soooo uncomfortable.

Our Christmas with the kids did go really good. It was as disorganized as I've been lately, but the kids had a good time and really liked their gifts. We didn't buy them much. We could have gotten them way more than we did, but felt that we wanted them to have less and appreciate it more than have so much stuff that they missed the true focus of Christmas.

We just spent the day here together as a family. I must confess that my sad, depressed attitude crept in on me by evening, but the Lord is really helping me overcome it and not dwell on the things that have caused it. My mom came by for a little while late in the evening and spent about an hour or so with the kids seeing what they got and just being with them.

Byron has been driving for a limo service http://www.bigcountrylimo.com/ all Christmas season and the last few groups he has taken out have been very generous with tipping. That has been a huge blessing to us as the metal business has all but stopped this last week. It will pick up again and at that time the limo business will drop off until prom season. God has really shown Himself faithful in providing for us. This time last year we weren't even able to participate in family Christmas. Our goal this year is to put a huge dent in our debts or even get out of debt completely.

I just want to say I am working hard to shift my focus to all God's blessings and the good things I know about my family and the good things I know about my children and not focus on the things that have been so depressing to me these last few weeks. It is hard though to keep what is bothering me to myself and not share with my husband, but he would not likely be any encouragement in this issue and would more likely blow a gasket. So this is a burden I must bear alone. I think that is on reason it has been so hard on me. Usually, I handle things so well, even criticism. Then again I am used to receiving information face to face not two or three links done the line from the original observer.

Almost Christmas

We had Christmas with my in-laws on Saturday and the kids got some nice gifts. I really appreciate the fact that they honored my wishes this year and did not buy loads of toys. Each kids got something to play with and then clothes and consumables. I think they enjoy their new toys much more since they aren't overwhelmed with way too many things.

Christmas will be just the 6 of us tomorrow and I'm looking forward to a laid back relaxing day. We may go out some during the day, but except for a few load of laundry I HAVE to do...Mommy is taking an at home vacation. =)

I've been having nightmares the last several days and wake up sometimes 3 or 4 times with my heart racing and feeling REALLY bad emotionally. They are aweful dreams and I just hope they go away soon. I'm already sleep deprived since I rarely get to bed before midnight and the kids wake up around 8AM and at least on person wakes my up for something during the night. Sometimes it is more than one person and more than one time. I'm just absolutely thrilled when I can get more than two hours of sleep at one time. I have 0 energy and it gets depressing when I see so much that needs to be done and I just tire out too early in the project or get distracted by myself or some situation and then forget to come back to what I was doing. Sometimes I would just like to curl up in a ball and pretend the world doesn't exist. To sleep for a year or so and then wake up and be the me I used to be...productive, undistracted, together, confidant, organized, in shape, proper weight, energetic....

Well, my computer time is over for now...my other half just got home and needs to take over this machine. I'll be back in a few days or weeks.

And Life Goes On

We are all well for now, except for Byron's persistant cough. Knock on wood. ;) I just hope and pray we can make it through the entire holiday season w/o getting a houseful of sickness again.

I've been having a very rough time lately. It seems that no matter how hard I try to do everything and do it right, nothing is good enough. Me, my kids, my house...I just feel under such scrutiny and like such a failure. The house could be better, but is almost a hopeless cause until we find a place to move where there is plenty of storage and workspace for Byron. Once I have a place like that I feel I can get organized so things will run more smoothly.

As for me...my greatest need is rest. Even when I sleep I don't feel rested and lately I've been thrilled if I can even get 5 hours. The last week I've averaged 3 1/2 hrs per night. I require the max amount of sleep and haven't had it in years.

My kids....Victoria is doing great in school except when I have to deal with her attitude. Something has been bothering her a lot lately and I can't get her to open up and tell me...or maybe she really doesn't know what is troubling her so much. All her inner turmoil is exhibiting itself in a ugly rebellious attitude. She want to do right, but just struggles in that area. Austin loves me so much, he tells me all the time. His main struggle these days is liking to irritate his little sister and hear her scream, and saying his "potty" words that has become quite an issue in some circles...I work on that non-stop and can't seem to get the message across to him. I've even talked to the dr. about it and she says some children, esp. boys who may feel frustrated from lack of development in speech or coordination often choose that way to express it...act out...whatever you want to call it. I just pray he learns better and outgrows it sooner rather than later. Leah is such a bubbly happy child but she screams....happy, angry, frustrated, excited, anytime. It disturbs me, it disturbs other people and short of taping her mouth shut (which is not an option) I don't know what else to do besides what I've been doing. So far I don't have any major failures with Samuel. He's teething and it wakes him up at night, but it's not intentional or malicious on his part. I just medicate and console until he's comfortable and then try to get a little more sleep before I'm awakened by another person for something else.

Sometimes I feel like I should never leave my house or spend any amount of time in any one place so that my family won't be the source of trouble for any group we may be around. That's mostly sleep deprived, depressed emotions talking and I won't/can't give into those thoughts. I NEED adult interaction too much to give it up completely. I'm not myself these last few days, but I'll get over my pity party and be my normally upbeat self again soon.

I just want people to know I/we don't let our kids run us. we do discipline and require proper behavior. I/we teach/want our children to respect others and honor the rules/desires of those they spend any time with.

We are hesitantly ready for Christmas. Our tree is decorated, the gifts are bought, but I dread all the stress of parties/get togethers, etc. I used to enjoy this time of year so much, but now I really don't.

Tonight Victoria is singing in the children's musical "Christmas on Main Street" at our church. She's excited and nervous all at the same time.

I just want to be a good mother and housekeeper. That's all I want for Christmas or any time. Being a part and full time nanny and babysitting for over 16 years was a breeze compared to the 24/7 job of being an exhausted, over stretched mom. I need God's strength every day and I really need more of it than I have the time to gather from the super short devotional times I am able to snatch.

Byron works so many hours for several companies and for himself. God is providing for us financially in a way that we have been praying for for such a long time. At least that is one stress that we are feeling a bit of relief from finally.

I'll hopefully be back to my happy me before I come back to add any more to my blog. I'm sorry for all the down talk this time, but that's where I am right now. I make myself smile, but I hurt in my heart. I'm searching and seeking and with God's help I will rise above my troubles soon.

Well, I guess I'm going to hit Publish Post and let this hit cyberspace come what may. I don't usually spill my guts to the world.....

Season of Sickness

Well, our yearly season of sickness has begun. BLAH!! It seems every year from about the beginning of Nov. until the end of Feb. some one in this house is sick with something. It began with Byron this time. He spent nearly two weeks coughing and is on the mend. All 4 kids are in various stages of the sore throat, stuffy, runny nose, cough, fever, aches, etc. Victoria always gets respiratory things worse and is the only one to spike a fever so far.

Samuel has two new little teeth just breaking through the gums. Poor little guy has been a champ dealing with the "sickness" and teething at the same time. He has such a calm disposition. I sure hope it stays that way. He's such a joy to all of us.

We had family night last night and rented some movies and picked up Little Caesar's pizza and had a great time just being together w/o Mommy and Daddy running off to "get this or that done". We ignored our "jobs" and spent time with the kids and it was such fun. They will remember times like that more than if Mommy stayed up late getting laundry done or cooked a big meal, or if the kitchen was always spotless (which it never is). I hope we always make family time a priority.

Just a few pics this time

I just felt like adding a few pics...finally. I really need to upload some newer pics and add some of them.

Leah, sweet Leah

Here is Samuel the day he turned 4 mos. He's 5 mos. now. I just can't keep up.

I just love Victoria's eyes in this pic

Here are the three big kids getting ready for their last "water" outing of the season at the end of August.

Time Goes By So Fast

I can't believe it's been almost a month since I made an entry. Each day just seems to melt into the next. This has been the month of trying to have a garage sale. Finally, this weekend we had a 3 day sale that did pretty good for us. A small dent was made in the sheer quantity of stuff that has been accumulated, but more than that we made some good extra cash to go on bills we are trying to pay down...YAY!!

This past Wed. night 10/10/07 marks the date of Austin's 2nd birthday. At about 10:30 PM he couldn't wait any longer and asked if he could be saved. I talked to him about it a little, but he completely understood and was ready to pray. I let him pray in his own words and he was so sincere and serious. It just makes our parent hearts feel so thrilled that our children are choosing early to follow Jesus. As each one accepts Him as Savior our pray changes to wanting them to desire to grow in their knowledge and service of Jesus all their life.

I'm writing this on a Sunday morning, because our littlest guy has not been feeling well for several days. He is cutting teeth and I think there may be 4 trying to come through all at once. Fri. night and all day Sat. and all last night he was struggling with a very croupy cough as well as fever, so I kept him home. I needed the little nap I was able to grab after Byron and the other kids left for church. Mommy has not gotten much sleep the last 4 days.

Other than that...Victoria is progressing well in school and Byron's work is keeping him good and busy. Leah continues to be her cheerful self except when she screams in her HIGH PITCH voice that I would love to figure out how to silence until she is old enough to control it herself. :} Mommy, is trying to lose weight now by finally adding exercise to a proper diet. I've lost almost 4 lbs this month!!!! My goal is 5 more lbs. before Thanksgiving. My ultimate goal is 15 more lbs. by the end of the year. I'll give it my best shot.

So Much to Do

Life is such a blur with 4 kids. Homeschooling my oldest is a bit more of a challenge this year with all the distractions and interruptions. We'll get it done, but it may end up taking a bit longer than usual. I can't imagine what it will be like when I have 2 to teach next year. I used to be such an organized person. Somewhere along the way I've lost a lot of that, but i still have it in my blood. I am determined to get organized again. It would/will make life so much easier.

Our new little guy had his 4 month check up and passed with flying colors. He is right on track for height and weight. A little on the small side yet compared to the rest of my kids, but perfectly proportioned. He'll catch up in no time the way he eats.

We are getting ready to have a massive garage sale this weekend and hopefully one more before the year is over. I'm determined to get rid of a lot of stuff. We really want to move and there is so much that needs to be done before we can even think of listing our house. Getting rid of stuff is the first step and the next step will be minor repairs and fresh paint. New flooring would probably help, but I just don't know if that will fit into the budget. Our goal is to have things ready enough to list by mid spring and hopefully be in a new place by the end of summer if not sooner. I absolutely dread the thought of the actual move, but a little land and maybe even more sq. footage will be worth all the trouble.

Now I have to go be Mom and tell the kids to brush their teeth and get to bed. "Aww, do we have to?" I can already hear it. :P

7 Years of Wedded Bliss

Well, we've done it. We've made it 7 years. That's the number of perfection...so that gives hope that things can only get better. :) We redeemed a baby gift I received for my baby shower with Samuel. A friend volunteered 4 hrs. of free baby sitting as long as she got to keep the baby, too. Well we had her keep the four kiddos on Fri. night and we went out to eat using a gift card we had to a favorite Mexican restaurant, then we did something that boggled Byron's mind...we went to Walmart. It may seem funny to someone who is not in my position, but is was actually FUN to go to Walmart w/o any kids. I didn't even take my list. We bought a few things I could remember, but mostly just walked around. Byron said as long as I was having fun he didn't care.

Sat. we had another date. My folks kept the kids. We took them to their house and went out to eat with another gift card that we had. Our plans were to go to a movie with another gift card - I've been saving these things up ;) - but we ended up going to a few stores including Barnes and Noble just window shopping and I even splurged and got a Starbuck's coffee. This was about the cheapest anniversary, but we really enjoyed just hanging out together and just being "US" w/o kids. I think we will try the movie night for some other time. I'm really glad we did what we did. Two days in a row was the next best thing to actually going somewhere.

We are looking forward to the next 7 years!!

35 and Counting

Yesterday I turned 35!! It doesn't seem like I should be this "OLD". We had a fun relaxing family get together at Mom and Dad's house. We had such good food that I think the 5 lbs. that I've taken off in the last two months all came back in one day. Back to square one on that, but oooh it sure was yummy! I received some wonderful gifts through out the day. One will even enable me to put pictures on here as soon as I figure it out. I got a digital camera. Just a little behind times, aren't I? I even got a gift from my "other mom" at church. I have some very dear sweet ladies who work with me in the church nursery on Sunday nights and one in particular has basically adopted me and my family. She and her husband never had kids of their own, so I'm more than glad to be a kid to them.

Strange thing about turning 35....I woke up this morning and could hardly move my sore body. My elbow is giving me intense pain, esp. when I try to pick up the baby or anything as heavy or heavier than him. Can someone really age that much overnight??

Well, my "blogging" will be more letter like than anything. That's just me. :) At this moment the baby needs fed and I need to get back to the endless laundry, dishes and cleaning that never gets to a point of being "done."

Now I'm a Blogger

I just decided to start blogging since "everyone else is". :) Why not. This way maybe I'll actually keep track of what goes on in my life. Not that I really have time to add one more thing to my day, but it looks like fun.